A pernicious lie. It masquerades as ambition. It reaches for greatness. But you’re left empty handed. In the quiet it whispers, “who you are, right now, that isn’t enough.” So you strive to get ahead. To be enough.
“I feel like I should be further along.”
I believed this for a long time. Sometimes it comes back to visit. I wouldn’t ever say it, but I would feel it constantly. Through my adolescent years I welcomed this belief with open arms because I wanted to push forwards. I wanted to be better. I had a vision for my life. But the very belief that promised greatness, gave emptiness. It undermined the resource I needed to make progress: an acceptance of myself.
If I can’t accept who I am right now, with my faults, with my place in the journey, I become restless. I have no peace. I trade my worthiness for a hungry ambition that sneers at my current circumstance and speaks shame.
But the truth is, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. Even with my faults and weaknesses, I’m worthy, I belong, I’m acceptable, I’m loved. I don’t need to have it all together to be amazing. My dreams and desires are wonderful, but they don’t begin to define my worth.
When I feel like I should be further along, the obvious trap is comparison. Looking at people who are successful at my desires, especially if they’re my peers.
I would love to be more confident.
I would love to be in better shape.
I would love to be married.
I would love to make great money.
I would love to be funnier.
Comparison only fuels the disconnect from worthiness.
Without a strong belief in my worthiness, those desires create disqualifications for loving myself as I am. I may not be where I’d like to go, but that was never meant to interfere with the core truths that I am loveable, that I belong, that I am enough. I may not be like you, but I’m learning to enjoy who I am, embrace my weakness and celebrate who you are.